On being Jason and Brittany

" By improving efficiency, we look to achieve global best practice costs. We also look to develop offshore opportunities to provide long term growth. Underpinning the Group's business goals is our commitment to enhance the skills and reputation of our people. "
From Which Bank? The Commonwealth Bank of Australia

"Our size gives us enormous strategic flexibility. As we grow, however, we remain very conscious of the need to manage the organizational complexity that size brings. We aim to ensure that no matter how large we grow, our people truly feel that each and every one of them can make a difference. "
From Which Bank? CitiBank

I sometimes think that the only difference between America and Australia is in people's names. Well, least as far as customer service in the banking industry is concerned.

How many times do we navigate through the menu system of our bank's customer service division, - "Press one for frustration, two for annoyance, three if you want to hear elevator music", only to be greeted by someone called "Jason" or "Brittany". "Jason" is you are calling OZ, "Brittany" if it's a US bank.

Of course sometimes it's a "Shane" (OZ) or a "Kimberly" (U.S.) There's just enough variation in the names to ensure that the person that you last spoke to cannot be located when you call back. This guarantees that you will have to tell your story all over again, to the next Jason-Britanny-Kimberlie-Shane clone.

It is as if call centers are populated by pod people (à la the movie, 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'). Surely the Jasons and Kimberlies are produced in test-tubes in a far-off galaxy and are sent to earth to annoy hell out of us earthlings.

But on second thoughts, the Jason-Britanny-Kimberlie-Shanes are more likely merely innocent young humans, thrown into the fray by the bank personnel whose aim is profit (for the bank, that is), rather than customer satisfaction.

It stands to reason that you usually only contact your bank if you absolutely have to, when for example they've ripped you off several hundred dollars like the Commonwealth Bank did to my accounts, last week. No one in their right mind would actually choose to have any contact with their bank, other than via the friendly and co-operative ATM. Talking to the call center is, after all, only a last resort.

What gets me, is that after demanding your hair color, your Social Security number (U.S.), the reason you are in America (OZ), your age, sex, mother's maiden name, the name of other account holders, your address, your home and work phone numbers, your account number (the one that you took great care to punch in, according to their robot's instructions, that is now in cyberspace and nowhere on the Jason-Britanny-Kimberlie-Shane's computer screen)... after all that --- Jason-Britanny-Kimberlie-Shane, refuses to identify itself, other than by giving its first name (U.S) or Christian name (OZ).

"What's your last name (U.S)/surname(OZ)?", I ask. "We don't give out that information" is the answer across both continents.

I've tried everything. From "But I just gave YOU, my whole history". To, on them giving the first name again, "At least it's not Jason", (on those rare occasions when it wasn't).

Actually, I've only used that last line once. To the Commonwealth Bank (OZ). "There's no need to be sarcastic", came the reply, complete with the upward inflection, common with the teenagers of the nineties who have so quickly risen to positions of power in the land of the young and the plenty. And with that he hung up!

I quickly leaned my lesson. It is best to grovel and wheedle. At least then you won't be abused while you hang on the phone, slowly and inevitably realizing yet again, that there's just no satisfaction to be had from this faceless, anonymous pod person from intergalactica.



Kate Juliff
New York
February 2002

Your Say

Jamie
I was in New York earlier last year and would love to return to work in some capacity. At the moment I'm a 27 year old journalist with Channel 9, but I'm not fussy about what work I do, I'd just like to experience things in another part of the world. Is there any tips you can give me, or any fields of work where Aussies are in demand over there, help in terms of getting visas etc? You've probably been asked this a million times, but any help you can give me would be appreciated.

Best to read our Immigration to the U.S. FAQ re visas. But maybe some readers will have some tips in regard to journalism.

Any tips for Jamie? Please email me and I'll pass them on.

Justin
As always I enjoyed your article.

Haven't read your articles for a while..great fun reading and catching up. I live in NYC too - but am going home in September. just a quick one.. Chris Cringle is from the movie Miracle on 34th Street (supposedly it's Father Christmas's "real name").. Also..that tradition that you mentioned is big in OZ is big here too although it's called "secret Santa"..