Letter From New York - The Spanish Inquisition

The Spanish Inquisition

In 1969 a young Australian woman wrote an antipodean best-seller. The book was titled "Now You'll Think I'm Awful" and the author was a Ms. Sue Rhodes. Being a literary snob at the time, and believing myself an enlightened and liberated person, I didn't buy or read Ms. Rhode's book, but I gather it was about the common sexual experiences of many Australian teenaged girls. The title came from the first post-coital sentence uttered by many young Australian women in the late sixties. It was meant to be funny. It was also meant to be true.

A few weeks ago a Larry Summers, the president of Harvard University in America, got himself into a lot of hot water for suggesting that men and women were born with different types of brains. Larry Summers has since been denounced as a Neanderthal. Apologies are being demanded and there's a push to have him fired.I can't quite see a reason for the fuss. I've know that males and females had different types of brains ever since my brother hit me over the head with his plastic ack-ack gun in 1960 when I was baking scones for our mum.

A few days ago I employed a lover of the same vintage as Ms Rhode's best-seller (yes I stay in touch with them all) to do some translation work for me. I needed some instructions translated from English to Spanish for Hispanic factory workers in Arizona. Ex Lover is a now distinguished translator, and has settled in Spain. He accepted the work. When he'd completed it, I had an Hispanic colleague check it over, as I'm well aware there are difference between the Spanish of Spain and the Spanish of the Americas.

Miguel queried a couple of terms, one word in particular, and I sent his comments on to The Translator.

Oh the hue and cry! The next day I received a missive from Ex Lover. He was obviously shocked that anyone could doubt even a single word of his translation. Amidst other expressions of outrage I read -

"Le mot juste is "estor" or the plural "estores".
I refer you and others to:
1. Diccionario de la Lengua Española, 21st edition, 1992, reprinted 1998. Published by The Real Academia Española. Vol 1, page 916. "estor" (Del Fr. store, cortina) m. Cortina de una sola pieza, que se recoge verticalmente.
Note: The Real Academia Española is the guardian of the Spanish language, or at least that is what they would like to think, in much the same way as the French Academy oversees changes in French."

Five other "references" followed, the last being, "6. Latin and English Dictionary, published by T. Fisher Unwin, London, undated but printed in Germany. Page 128 "storea, storia,ae, f = mat(of rush or straw) carpet. The connection is obvious and the word we now find has been around for over 2000 years (at least in Latin)".

Now if you've read this far, you might be wondering what these three storylets have in common. So I will tell you.

One of my less well-known ambitions is to be a pop psychologist - to write pop psychology books and to appear on Oprah.

Don't get me wrong, it's not fame that I'm after - it's money. It seems to me that having a best seller, and especially one that that helped women would be both a lucrative and an altruistic thing to do.,

So to the recently devised hypothesis - and I do hope it's new.

Men in general and imperialists in particular are driven by the urge to dominate. In the case of imperialists this urge manifests itself in attempting to subjugate a people and their territory. Sure there's monetary gain, but what these people are really after, is POWER.

The imperialists prefer to conquer "peacefully". Perhaps because it is cheaper to do so. So they'll come in the guise of men bearing gifts be it education, religious conversion, economic aide or the gift of their "culture", which by the mere fact that it is THEIRS makes it SUPERIOR.

Men who are not involved in taking over a country may try to take over a business, or buy someone's farm. But your average Joe does not have the resources to own a country or a multinational or even a farm. What he does have however, is a plentiful supply of - women. And of course TESTOSTERONE.

An imperialist wannabe, the average Joe prefers to conquer without bloodshed. He'll woo with presents, charm, looks, whatever he has available.

Of course sometimes physical force is necessary. In these cases we have invasions, be they wars or passionate onslaughts. Whatever.

Mostly HE wins. He sets up a colony, a business, a marriage, or perhaps if he's on the bottom of the male pile, just sex.

After winning the land, the business, the farm or the sex, he then does what all good imperialists do. He changes from the benevolent and harmless educator, missionary, farmer, lover to the RULER!

Whereas before he conquered, he was charming and sensitive, once he has had the sweet taste of success and victory, he changes. The new country, business, farm, woman becomes somehow less attractive. From being a prize (e.g. India - 'The Jewel in the Crown'), the conquered become AN OBLIGATION - (Adam Smith believed that empires imposed an unfair tax burden on the members of the mother countries).

Notice that all the conquerers are men. There's no Willamena the Conqueror, Angela the Hun, Julia Caesar or Alexandra the Great. Yes there are a few women leaders of sorts dotted very occasionally in our history of colonisations, but they were usually hanging out for some man like Cleopatra, or portrayed as sexless like Liz I.

The conqueror loses interest once the wooing has proved successful. And it is around this time that he begins to notice the consequent grumblings and rumbling of he conquered. Of curse they were there all along but the adrenalin and testosterone rushes blinded him and so this speaking up, this ASSERTION of self - be it self-government, union demands or the 'nagging' wife - appear to be new.

Mr conqueror is taken aback. How dare the natives presume to have an opinion! He is the RULER. The ruled, even if they don't know that they are ruled because we didn't tell them, should stay in their place, and shut the hell up. Furthermore, they should be HAPPY to do so. Everything that Mr Conqueror does is by definition, FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!

It follows then, that if you are from a colony, or a former colony AND you are a woman to boot, you are doubly damned.

A European must be more cultured than an Australian or an American. A "pure" Spanish speaker is just that - PURE. Who are these Hispanics to dare to pretend they speak Spanish? And those Australians - or even worse those Americans - what HAVE they done to the English language! No one even spoke Spanish or English in America, or English in Australia before the Europeans came and killed and conquered the locals. And according to many, they still don't speak English, Spanish or any PURE language.

And what if you are a woman who happens to be Australian, or a woman who is also Hispanic. My god! We should just be glad we are allowed to vote, or breathe the air.

Now I do realise these ideas need a bit more fleshing out, but what d'ya reckon? It might just be a go-er.

But of course, now I'm coming down to earth. What would I know? I'm a woman from one former colony and living in another one. If I AM correct, I'm hoisted with my own petard. My book will not be read by the Mr Translators and Mr Conquerors of this world.

Ms Rhodes had it right to begin with. If you are still on this Earth Sue, I tender my apologies for scoffing at your book all those years ago. Now you'll think I'm awful.

Kate Juliff
New York
March 2005