Letter From New York

Friday April 17th '98

Shouting Civily - "You Talking to Me?"

I thought I'd covered all aspects of New York speak - the "like", the "I don't THINK so", the "Don't even go there", the "TELL me about it!", the "You got a problem with that?" and the "Spare me!". However, I'd forgotten one very important aspect of New York speak - the shouting. I'd become immune to noticing it. But it was drawn to my attention by the New York Times editorial of 12th April.

In one of what are becoming regular editorial rages, against Mayor Guiliani's rages, against New Yorkers' incivility, the New York Times commented on recent "shouting matches" between NYC councilors. Following the sarcastic comment that "the Mayor's idea of improving the quality of life evokes a hope that someday we could wake to the gentle chimes of a neighboring church clock instead of car alarms steadily bleating in three-minute cycles", the editorial went on to complain about a recent disagreement between Mayor Giuliani's aide Jake Menges and City Councilman Lloyd Henry.

In the editorial which was entitled "You Talking to Me?", the Times told of a "shouting match" between Mr. Menges and Mr. Lloyd Henry. Mr. Menges is reported as "shouting" that the problem was that Mr. Henry and another council member, a Mr. Stephen DiBrienza, had been rude to a new city commissioner. Mr. DiBrienza's reportedly defended himself by claiming that "he was just yelling like any normal New York politician who must vent periodically to avoid blowing his boiler."

I'm getting used to the shouting. It is almost normal here to shout to get attention. Raising your voice in New York is almost expected, and is used to emphasise a point. Instead of using adverbs like "very" and "extremely" or using logic to make a point, they just shout. Loudly.

"New York Moments"

In England there are eccentrics, and most visitors to that country find a certain humour in the British tolerance of the oddball. In New York, on the other-hand the odd seems to be normal, as long as it is not too annoying. If it is annoying, then the experience of the odd and annoying event may be referred to as "A New York Moment".

A New York Moment is something that a normal person would not normally tolerate. It is something so ridiculous, that there is no sane human reaction to it. If a person experienced too many New York Moments, they'd undoubtedly go mad. To describe such crazy events as "New York Moments" seems to me to have some therapeutic value, and this is the only reason I can see in using the term.

A Typical New York Moment

An old friend, a visitor from England, had the pleasure of experiencing a New York Moment, on her departure from Manhattan on her way to JFK. I was seeing her off at the shuttle bus stop near Grand Central railway station.

A ticket person collects the money for the bus tickets and gives a receipt. Luggage is stowed in the baggage section and people take their seats. Simple enough, one would think.

My friend bought her ticket, had her suitcase stowed, and got on the bus. I waited till it looked like the bus was full and the driver was seated, and started to wave. Little did I know that there was a New York Moment waiting to happen.

The ticketing person started to count the tickets and came to a total that was one less than the number of passengers. She was a slow counter, and repeated this exercise several times. Coming up with the same two different numbers on two successive counts, she decided that a particular gentleman had not paid for his wife's fare. He was called off the bus. My wave faltered.

The gentleman was adamant. He said he'd paid for two but he could not immediately find his receipt. Maybe his wife had it. He climbed back on board to ask her. She became flustered. He said he could only find one receipt but was sure he'd paid for two tickets. The ticket lady said that the bus could not leave until the ticket stub total was reconciled with the number of passengers on the bus. I stopped waving and smiled at my friend through the window.

The passengers were becoming visibly anxious. No doubt many were worrying about missing their planes. It was a stalemate. The gentleman without two receipts argued with the ticketing lady. She re-counted the ticket stubs. She re-counted the passengers. I started thinking of hailing a taxi for my friend. But I dreaded asking the driver to get the luggage out from the storage bin under the bus.

After twenty minutes the accused man said he'd just buy another ticket, rather than hold up the entire bus. The ticketing person became suspicious, and was reluctant to sell him one. Why, she asked, would he buy another one if he'd really already bought two as he had been claiming? He tried to explain, but it was useless. By this stage the tourists on the bus were aghast. Another ticketing person sauntered up and casually offered to to count the stubs. Sure enough there was the correct number and the accused was proved innocent. The bus could move. I gave my final tired wave.

This is the sort of thing that New Yorkers refer to as a New York Moment. TELL me about it!

Down Under Wonder

For my Australian readers living in Australia - please enjoy your shower! You will no doubt be surprised to learn that the humble Australian shower head is indeed a wonder of modern technology

Shown here, from their in-flight shopping SkyMall magazine "Frontgate", Trans World Airline (TWA) has Australian showerheads for sale.

According to this mag, "Australians have been waking up to this Down Under Wonder Shower for forty years". The blurb goes on to explain that the shower is designed "to place the water exactly where you want it". I cannot begin to explain how American showers behave...

For my American readers, the shower heads range in price from $35 to $95 and come in chrome or brass.

For my New York readers, last year when I ordered one fold-up bed from Frontgate, two were delivered and I was of course billed for the two. It took several phone calls and plenty of New York Moments, to get things settled.

Your Questions and Comments

David, an Australian living in New York emailed: [Regarding] Metropolitan Diary. I don't know whether I would characterize it as typical of what New Yorkers like [...],however it does seem to fit in with the self-satisfied tone of the paper in general. What has always struck me about Metropolitan Diary is correspondent's deluded view that the banal observations and interactions they write about are singular adventures that could only happen New York. Perhaps if they had enough time off work to get away for a bit they'd find that this isn't the case?
Yes, I agree. I think this attitude of things being unique to New York is shown all the time, in the phrase "Only in New York". It is used to explain anything even remotely unusual, and is usually said with a touch of pride. Yet most of the time the sort of behaviour that elicits such a comment, could happen in a big city anywhere.

Lisa-anne, an Australian living in Kansas City wrote: Hey Kate: You can come to Kansas City, and film a little battling Aussie...we have crime too..... Think anyone would know the difference??
Blanca an American and non-New Yorker emailed: (re. Jan's letter of last week) Its sweet of Jan to try to rescue the honor of NYers and Americans. However, Jan must also realize that A: NYers have brass balls and have mastered the fine art of being offensive--to each other, strangers, anyone--just part of their (pick one) character/charm/identity/inherent right. And B: WE, meaning Americans from all over the US, make montrous fun of NYers and love doing so. NYers are the ones we love to hate. They epitomize our worst and we see ourselves in each of them and their interactions.
Thanks for the comments Blanca. I think you are right about New York epitomizing the worst of America. I also think New Yorkers enjoy having fun made of them and are proud of their New Yorkishness! I have not had one New Yorker email me to disagree with any of my columns, and the ones who talk to me about them, say that they find them amusing and so very true.

Reminder

Date: May 13 1998

Location: Ballroom of the Roosevelt Hotel, on Madison Ave. at 45th St.

Event: "Taste of Down Under," an Australian wine and food tasting to benefit the Muscular Dystrophy Association. The event features a wide selection of Australian wines as well as Australian lamb dishes prepared by chefs from some of New York's leading restaurants. The money is raised through ticket sales and via the auction of items ranging from round-trip tickets to Australia to designer clothing. Tickets are $100, of which 50% is tax-deductible.

Those interested in ordering tickets should contact Jennifer Marraccino at the Muscular Dystrophy Association on 212-689-9040.

You may not publish or reproduce any of the stories from this page, on the Internet or elsewhere, without prior written permission.