Thursday, July 08, 2010

All my friends are getting botoxed!

When You (sic) so (sic) an old person going through a mid life crisis and there (sic) face has no wrinkles like a cartoon character. - Definition of Botoxed, Urban Dictionary

I'm in with the in crowd, I go where the in crowd goes
I'm in with the in crowd and I know what the in crowd knows. - Billy Page, the In Crowd

I was on FaceBook tonight. Yes I'm a member: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and I noticed that an old friend had changed her profile photo.

Botoxless in New York
Now I haven't heard from J for some years, but I DO know old she is. Is that an old photo of her, I wondered. Many people opt for putting baby photos of themselves on their on-line profiles.

I clicked on her FaceBook profile pic to enlarge it. No, it wasn't J as a baby, child, or even a teenager. It was J now. I saw from the background that the photo was taken around 2009.

I stared at the screen. I saw a young woman, well maybe not so young, maybe about 28 years old - who looked terrific.

Now "J" is about my age. And so I recognized the tricks of the trade. Look up to make your neck look firmer. Wear sunglasses to cover any wrinkles around the eyes. Hold that tummy in.

But more than that was involved here.

J looked GOOD. She looked like a model, a film star even.

It isn't just "J" - it is X Y and Z too.

My hair stylist is having some beauty sort of laser therapy on her lips and around her eyes. Another friend has had something done to her cheeks. Several friends have opted for botoxing their foreheads. And just yesterday, I was lunching with a friend and I noticed that something had happened to her legs. She seemed to have gained six inches in the length of her thighs and her calves were taut, smooth, a paler shade of tan, with an acceptable hint of muscle.

As for me, in the last decade my internal image has been one of the elegant French woman. I've let my hair go gray and keep it back from my face. All my skirts and dresses go to below the knees.

I have no intention of looking like a St Trinians school girl. Not for me those cute navy pleated school-girl skirts riding about eighteen inches above the knee. Not for me those tight little boleros and camisoles hugging my breasts.

I am aù naturelle.

But lately I've started wondering. I remember feeling very alone in high school when most of my peers were tarting it up, hoping to impress the Melbourne High School boys. Pathetic I thought then, and pathetic I think now. Instead of trying to look like Karen Black, I opted to look like Jean Seberg, or if I was living it up, Mia Farrow.

But maybe now is the time to change my game.

Maybe instead of aù naturelle I should join the crowd.

And go ... all the way.

The Botox way?

And then again, perhaps not.

Stay tuned.


Anonymous said...

Nip, tuck and prick. Gonna do it fo'evah? 'Cause thass what it takes or at least the big kids tell me that. Smile a lot? Give it up.
Now you know I live around a lot of oldies and most of 'em while not rich, aren't hurting too bad. Do they do it? Very few. But then, I guess if it was Palm Springs, Cally, maybe I'd see more.
Asked my bride if she wanted to do it and she declined,
Yes, I'm curious to see what you'll do.
DO keep us posted.

Jaded NYer said...

Don't you dare inject that crap into your face or body or anywhere else!!! That stuff is poison and makes a person look unnatural. You look elegant just as you are. Elegant and Classy.

Don't Do IT!! You might end up looking like Joycelyn Wildenstein

Anonymous said...

Cool Jaded, I agree TOTALLY. Not that I've seen the lady in quetion up close and personal, but he botoxed ones I have seen are on a treadmill fo' evah!

Anonymous said...

For ever? Why? What happens if I just go once. I am not talking about a facelift just Botox.

Jaded NYer said...

The following is a word from my husband.....

Hello. I'll go 'incognito' right now, so as not to obscure the point.
We'll refer to me as Mr Jaded NYer.

Now. To ANYONE Who WANTS To Go Messing About With What
God Gave You: It's your corpse. Have fun!

Make No Mistake; This modern trend of 'surgical alterations';
is the work of Pure Evil. In Service To this Evil, is damn near everything.
Every commercial, every ad on a bus (which is commercials you
don't notice as much, in a way even worse), all this stuff,
magazines, it's all one thing:
Worthless Monstrosities masquerading as human, trying to get
you, the consumer, to buy things you do not want, will not have
any use for, and mostly, never needed in the first place.

Like the whole bloody world, needs to 'text'.

Email, fine, write a letter. Whole languages reproduced to single letters;
TTYL, idiots.

But, I digress...

Love Who You Are, because, otherwise, what?

You'll have nothing to love. Haha, they win.

You can't keep up with a thing that you are not,
because you'll never be not what you are. I am me. I am me and I
like me, and if you don't like me, guess what, I don't care!
There you go. Fries with that? Right away!

THIS is what Madison Avenue, and every other mind manipulation
organization, (we'll leave out the long list of religions), wants you
to believe: That you aren't good enough as you are.
This, is because, they are not good enough as they are, because,
they are worthless awful monstrosities playing it off to be human beings,
while they lead us away from ourselves.

This is, by definition,
Pure Evil. The Enemy Walks Among Us, and appears in short adverts
between shows. Now. What you don't realize, all of you, is that,
BEAUTY Is In The Eye Of The Beholder. If I behold you, and find you
are beautiful, do you REALLY Want to PISS Me Off, by going and
getting your face pumped full of fat from your ass? Just saying.
You do get the "I'm Mr Jaded NYer" bit by now, because, Oh Yeah.

Love Who You Are, Or EVIL Wins. Have you got that one everybody?

Thank you.

I'm Jaded NYer's husband, and I approved this message.
Back to my coffee. Have a lovely day everyone, love who you are,
because it's better than trying to love what you look like when
you try to be something other than who you are. Why can no one
but me understand this?

It's all a lie. ANYTHING, but ANYTHING, that tells you,
you're not good enough. It's all a Lie. Got That, World?

Thank you.

Sincerely, Mr Jaded NYer

Anonymous said...

Jeez mate, hiding behind a sheilas skirt. My mum used to tell me if you cant say anything nice shut yer gob.

Got it?

PS Do you think the world is flat too?

Kate said...

To husband of Jaded.

Your reaction gives credence unfortunately to the view of Americans held by many Australians.


Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony. "It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "great weather eh?" and I thought "wait a minute, no way is it great weather".

Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.

Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future. "I'm like using it all the time." he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them to sh*t and I said "hey, great weather!".

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