Sunday, June 06, 2010

Fragments of Me

"Tell me great hero, but please make it brief
Is there a hole for me to get sick in?" - from "Tombstone Blues", Bob Dylan

"How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown" - from "Like a Rolling Stone", Bob Dylan

A week ago today I fragmented. Into small pieces. Like the small pieces of a large jigsaw puzzle. You know, those huge jigsaws of supposedly idyllic English country scenes with thatched-roof cottages and multi-hued hills and cloudy blue skies.

Except no parts of this particular jigsaw actually touched. A scrambled jigsaw.

Well, at least that's how it felt by the end of the week. I was to all intents and purposes, invisible. I saw no one - literally - for eight whole days. This must be a record for me for I cannot remember prior to last week, spending more than twenty four hours entirely alone.

How could such a thing happen in a city of eight million?

Sure, bits of me remained scattered around the place. Bits of me were remembered for sure by my friends around the world. But no one actually saw me, and only two people made sure to phone to see how I was.

How could this be?

Two reasons.

1: I was ill. And 2: I live in New York.

Eight days home alone. At first it was fun. I lay around in bed, coughing my lungs up, watching day-time telly and playing with my iPad. But after a hundred consecutive episodes, even Judge Judy becomes boring. And as for my former favorite, Joy Behar, by the end of the week her cheery happiness and loud New York voice was painfully grating. And the iPad - well that toy is no longer a shiny apple.

Around Day 3 I was so bored that I looked myself up on Google and was surprised at the amount of information there was about me. Mostly from social and professional networking sites. Enough already yet! I dropped out.

I remember the drop-outs of the seventies. I didn't appreciate them back then. Why didn't they hang in there and fight, I used to wonder. But I was so much older then, as Dylan sang. I'm younger than that now.

I intend to shrink the internet fragment of me. Of course I won't drop out of the internet entirely. It has its uses. Like looking up the weather on my iPad instead of looking out the window. And finding out how to make Anzac cookies.

But back to the fragments. There's the work-me. The social-me. The wife-me. The mother. The sister. The expat-me. The Australian-me. The New York me. I could see them all on the internet and wondered, is that the only place they now reside?

Lying alone in bed for eight days gives one time to reflect.

Yep, I made up my mind on a number of my fragments.

But as for New York - the jury's still out.

I am Kathleenwng and I approve this message


Lesley said...

Hello. My name is Lesley Jane.
The one who made you a record for your Birthday?
That'd be "Happy Birthday" by BEATLESEX,
downloadable free for anyone who ever has a birthday, here:

Now, I just want to say, I did try to write to you. Through this site actually. It didn't work. I got two Norman Mailers saying
"we couldn't work out where the place is, sorry, all your fault".

And both of us have been worried bloody sick about you.
This whole time. Period. Hey, we bloody well do care about you.

I'm American Lesley Jane
and I approved this message.

And if you intend to leave NY, we need to see much much more
of you for the time you are still here, because you are wonderful
and awesome, and we shall miss you. I know I will.

Thank you, Letters from New York.

I'm Lesley, I channel John Lennon & George Harrison
in the world famous band BEATLESEX.

And I am an American Diva, in my own right.
Yes, I am a fifty year old married guy, and I'm all that too.
Uh.. Because I can?

Love, ~L
American Lesley Jane

Jaded NYer said...

Kathleenwg ????

what does the wg stand for?? lol

You know "Fragments of Me" would actually be a good song title.

We are all made up of many fragments, (including atoms), memories, experiences, myriad ways we have changed through the journey of life. Who of us is the same person they were 10 years ago? 20 years ago? No one, unless one hasn't evolved. (I know a guy like that but that is another story.)

As long as we live we will grow and change and fragments of our former selves remain. No matter how many fragments we are, we are still whole because nothing can change the solidity of the soul. Life is transient and sometimes traveled on public transportation (and we all know how I feel about THAT subject), but there is still a constant.

That constant is love.

Kate said...

Why Kathleenwg it's all here

Kathleen with a Z

Terry said...

Sorry Kate, being sick myself, I didn't know you were too. Don't abandon us, we need you. We are all but fragments of our past and present.

Grahame said...

What does it all mean Kate? Do you get lonely? Or do you not care any more? I don't, and that worries me more than anything.

Kate said...

Grahame, I agree.

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