Friday, March 19, 2010

On NOT being Larry King

A survey from department store Debenhams [...] suggests that a man's waistband rises and falls throughout his life. Trousers bottom out at the age of 16 with below-the-hip styles and peak at 57, just seven inches below the armpit.
Men's waistbands have risen and fallen through history

Since coming to America I've become a TV person. That is, instead of doing things that require energy, mental or otherwise, I am quite content in spending my leisure time in front of the telly.

It's easier that way.

I don't have a pet. I don't know the people next door. I don't have any friends (I am a New Yorker). I spend my commute time (two hours per day) reading novels. So in my spare time - what am I to do?

I'm not complaining. I get my kicks from The Joy Behar Show (my current fave). I get my news from CNN ... yes I know it's biased but beggars can't be choosers. If I'm feeling hormonal I can watch a Lifetime movie. If I'm feeling cosmopolitan I can watch the Independent Movie Channel. And if I'm hungry I can watch the Food Channel.

Television in America is all things to all men and most things to some women.

There is only one show that I cannot stand, and that is the Larry King Show. I cannot stand the way he wears braces to hold up his trousers. In Seinfeld-speak, "What's with the braces?"

I believe that he wears braces so that the waistband of his trousers can hang aesthetically around his waist, rather than under his armpits like the trousers of his contemporaries.

So I don't watch the guy. A girl has to have SOME standards!

Alley in her slimmer days
But today I heard about his comment to Kirstie Alley (Cheers, Look Who's Talking, Deconstructing Harry AND Scientologist) about Scientology and her (Kirstie's) weight gain.

Now don't get me wrong - normally I'm all for women being comfortable about how they look. Why SHOULd they look lithe and slim? Yeah - I know - it seems better than looking clumsy and fat ... but the feminist in me takes over.

But the chutzpah of Kirstie Allen - in being overweight AND expousing Scientology as a cure-all.

Kirstie had just agreed with Larry King's statement that Scientology had the best record in America of getting people off drugs.

ALLEY: That's true.

And then Larry King countered with, "Why haven't they helped with you with weight addiction?"

Great punchline Larry.

Your braces are forgiven.

Stay tuned.


1 comment:

Boggy said...

Well, some of us old men have waistbands which never rise nor fall. Me, I weigh the same as I did when I was 18. Gained several kilos in my 30s, but I'm back to 11 stone (that's 150 pounds or 68 kilos) Why? Dunno, but it's got nowt to do with Scientology.
But don't get me started on watching TV. Most of it is not very entertaining. I'll make an exception for Jon Stewart, but he runs off the rails 50% of the time. So why do we have one? Not for Fox or CNN. Probably for the weather and the constant bad news. Poor old PBS. It's mostly talking heads and Pommie costume dramas.
We get Netflix as the only movie house in Tucson is an hour away. Now and again we'll get something at the nearby multiplex, but that's a rarity.
Watched a great old flick last night: The Last Picture Show. Love Larry McMurtrie and from time to time we see him at a nearby bistro, but he cancelled on the Book Festival last week at the Univ of AZ. Something about his being sick. Gawd, hope he doesn't crump 'cause if he does, there goes the last local celebrity.
Did I get up this morning with a pooie on? The wind's blowing, but the sun's shining.
BTW, The last Picture Show has held up very well and I love it 'cause it reminds me of Boggabri in the Forties.
Christ, maybe I do need Scientology or sumpin' to stick a cracker up me khyber.

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